her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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