I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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