please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
