Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
