remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
