Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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