I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
