Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
