You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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