i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
