I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize