i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
