Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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