Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
