weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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