I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
God I need to hump something, right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
