38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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