nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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