hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
