i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
