Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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