Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
