put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
