are you still at the devil's house?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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