just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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