I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
