We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
