I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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