my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
