I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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