I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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