i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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