look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
