Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
