I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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