normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
