Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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