Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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