I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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