After last night, I could never be a politician.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
