and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
