drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I touched a dick in church today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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