Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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