Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
