Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Buhtt sex?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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