she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
