Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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