we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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