Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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