How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
