I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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