I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
