God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
