We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
