we're blogging at a bar
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
