God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
