That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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