after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
