You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
