I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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