If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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