Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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