In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she smelled like a LAN party
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize