Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize