I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
