He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
