he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think your dad took our porno
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
